Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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