last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
