so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
She announced her abortion via fbk
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
even my farts smell like vagina
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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