dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
