The maid of honor just puked.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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