I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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