ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
