I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
