Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
