I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
