I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
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