I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
