I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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