I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Randomize
