i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
