By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
