I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
