Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
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Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
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I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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