the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
