I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
only if we run a train.
done.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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