You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
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