I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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