remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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