haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Randomize
