you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Randomize
