girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
this boner is exhausting
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
