Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
i came on her dog
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
