I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
And then he peed in my hair
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