he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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