My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
