there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
