yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
