My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
