I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
