Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
pray to the hookup gods
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
