If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
