These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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