The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I didn't notice because vodka
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
