got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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