why im i the only drunk person in the library?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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