So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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