yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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