Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
