It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
