You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
