i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
