I must be too annoying 4 u.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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