im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
