things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
