Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
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