I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
he told me I talked like a deaf person
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
