you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
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Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
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Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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