He told me they were just razor bumps!
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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