He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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