my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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