I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
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