Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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