my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
